take ur time... (",)

WoRk wHiLe YoU wOrK...

And pLaY WhiLe yOu pLaY...

tHis tHe wAy..

tO bE HaPPy aNd gAy...

Q. What did the elf use to make him taller?

A. He used elf raising flour.

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don't look, I'm changing.

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word 'analyze' in it.

Pupil: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o'clock.

Who was the first underwater spy?

James Pond.

What dog smells of onions?

A hot dog.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice.

What type of fish performs surgical operations?

A sturgeon.

Q: What did they award the man that invented the door knocker?

A: The No-bell Prize.

What do you call a poster advertising the last teddy for sale?

A one ted poster.

Q: What do you call a box of ducklings?

A: A box of quackers.

What's the hardest key to turn?

A donkey.

Did you hear about the cement truck that crashed into the prison bus?

They ended up with a bunch of hardened criminals.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What is the most popular sentence at school?

I don't know.

Q: How does a male octopus ask a female octopus to marry him?

A: Can I have your hand, your hand, your hand, your hand ...

My brother said, 'Mum, I'm feeling sick as a dog.'

My mum said, 'Hang on, I'll call the vet.'

My brother saw a witch riding on a broomstick.

He said, 'What are you doing on that?'

The witch said, 'My best friend's got the vacuum cleaner.'

My uncle said, 'I wonder what'll happen if I feed gunpowder to my chickens?'

I said, 'You'll probably get an eggsplosion.'

This girl cannibal took her boyfriend home to meet her mum.

She said, 'Mum, what do you think of him?'

Her mum said, 'Lovely dear. He looks good enough to eat.'

My mum said to my uncle, 'What's got four legs and flies?'

My uncle said, 'Don't tell me, the horse is dead.'

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